after happily ever after

I used to think that new seasons come slowly, but I'm not sure anymore

Since I was a kid, I’ve always been curious about what happens after a “happily ever after.” You don’t see them afterward — like how’s the marriage, tell us about domestic life. How do you decide which of your parents you’re visiting for Thanksgiving or Christmas? We just don’t get to see that behind the scene picture.

Yet those in-between seasons, that’s where most of life happens. There's a tension between who you are and who you’re becoming. I've always wondered too... what happens after healing?

And I’ve come to think that healing is linear either. Because the same lessons, God will allow them to show up in your life in different clothes. Giving you a chance to pass the test. Because how can God trusts someone who hasn’t been tested? pruned?

If you get healed from depression like I was, it doesn’t mean you won’t have sad days. You’ll still have days where your emotions feels heavy. And if you’re healed from addiction, it doesn’t mean temptations won’t come back. Now it depends on your community — the circle of people you have around you to keep you accountable. It not only allows you to carry your calling rightly, it gives you a support system of people who have walked through what you’re walking through and can tell you,

“Hey, you’re going off the wrong path.”

And I think having relationship circles is important. Jesus modeled this so well with the 70, 12 and 3. Like the three are the ones He took up the intimate mountain in the garden to pray when the call felt so heavy. The twelve were always near and the 70 was the crowd I’d say. Not everybody needed the same access, because not everybody could carry the weight of that access.

And I’m going to recommend a book that I really love — Relational Intelligence by Dharius Daniels.

He talks about it this way:

1. Friends – people who add value to your life emotionally, spiritually, and relationally.

2. Associates – people you are connected to circumstantially (work, school, projects...) but not deeply.

3. Assignments – people you are called to help, mentor, or pour into.

I’ve also seen is that these relationships are not static either. They evolve over time because we’re always growing:

Associates → happens by default based on the different rooms you’ve stepped
↓
some associates → who become friends
↓
Friends → who comes into our lives by prayer, timing and calling

Assignments / Mentors → who pour into you for a season
↓
some mentors → can become friends

But finding these mentors isn’t something that happens by accident either. You have to intentionally seek them out. The mentee find the mentor not the other way around. Having people who speak truth can be a pillar for lasting change, because the lessons will show up in different clothes. You might not recognize them, but somebody else will. And I’m not just talking about your friends. Yes, there’s wisdom in being sharpened by them. But having people wiser than you (as their Assignments) matters deeply.

So healing is not linear friends, we’ll stumble and fall. But how hard we fall depends on our relationships and how well we align people in our lives. Everyone shouldn’t have that level of access or responsibility. And we need to be intentional so people can show up at their layer. I’m not saying this pridefully, I’m saying every level of access comes with responsibility. Not everyone can speak into your life — if you don’t know if the Spirit is speaking into theirs.

I can’t help but think that we’re always changing in the middle. Especially when seasons suddenly change on us. The same way our stories are evolving to something more beautiful each passing day.

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Heart Call:

In every new season, you will face old battles in new ways. But who said that you have to figure it out by yourself? Some relationships we need to intentionally build.

• Who in your life do you look up? (don’t say Jesus lol)

• How can you pursue these relationships intentionality

  or ask God

  to open your eyes to identify trusted voices you may overlook?

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Photo Credits: Thandy Yung.