The Fear No One Talks About: Feeling Alone in a Crowd
can true friendship be key to a happier life?
Once, a friend told me her biggest fear: graduating college, getting her dream job in a shiny city… and eating dinner alone.
Every night.
In the same little café.
I was like: “A café!?? Oh no—I’ll mail you food every day.
I’ll make sure it reaches your door faster than Amazon Prime, girl.”
She added, “I’m scared I’ll be surrounded by people—but still invisible.
Like a goldfish in a big blue tank.”
At the time, I didn’t get it. I just nodded, listened, and joked.
But later—I woke up startled.
It was all a dream.
The whole thing happened in the bathroom.
I missed one tiny detail… as I tilted my head slightly to the left—I realized I’d been staring at my own reflection.
And doesn’t that happen often?
We think we’re talking about someone else’s fear… but really, we’re just looking in the mirror. I realized I was that friend—the one who was lowkey scared to ask,
“do you want to hang out?”
I’d think the worst if someone forgot plans or didn’t reach out first. I kept quiet tallies, making sure everything felt 50-50. But truth is, those insecurities held me back. Even when I met amazing people, I didn’t always know how to nurture the friendship—and sometimes, I ended up hurting the ones I loved most. Apologizing didn’t magically fix everything.
But owning my mess? That was humbling.
It taught me something… every journey is about growth. That’s the beauty of it. Friendships are sacred—but they’re also fun. And yes they take effort! Because friends are the family you choose, and they don’t just fall from the sky.
There’s this Haitian proverb I heard growing up: “Bèl dan pa di zanmi.”
Just because someone smiles at you doesn’t mean they’re your friend. And honestly? It’s true. You can have someone’s number, see their likes on your posts—but that doesn’t mean they want to do life with you. Not every friendship play the same role in your life… and that’s okay. Some people will walk with you for life; others will just give up in a mile.
But we all know from experience that real friendships last when we don’t just wait to be invited. But we learn to make room for others in our lives in small ways. Reciprocity built on mutual care is really the heartbeat of good friendships.
Life is messy—beautifully messy—and no one is meant to walk it alone. Not you. Not me. Not even introverts. Even if we’ve been hurt—or hurt people, don’t shut people out. I know how hard it is. Because I closed myself off and thought life was easier if I had no close friends. But something changed in college. I realized I needed community to live a full life. I also knew that my eyes would only see the outside—and rule people out as potential friends.
So I thought: “Jesus, You did say pray about everything… well, I need some friends.”
Then, I had to do my part: putting myself out there—joining clubs and organizations on campus. Immediately, I looked for Caribbean girls—the kind of friends I grew up with back home. But none of those friendships bloomed. Not because they weren’t good people, but because we weren’t in the same season.
They were more outgoing than I was. And compared to them, I felt out of place. At first, the rejection stung. But what I didn’t realize was that it would become a blessing in disguise. The best friends I met in college? Most of them don’t share my ethnicity. And yet, those friendships became some of the most emotionally vulnerable and spiritually fulfilling connections I’ve ever had.
I grew.
I became more comfortable expressing my faith and emotions—which even strengthened my relationship with my family. Some lessons can only be learned through experience. Friendship is one of them.
Not every friendship will reach that sacred level, and that’s okay.
You’ve got to let friendships unfold naturally. Give people room to set their own rhythm, be curious about their lives, and just… let it breathe.
Over time, you’ll see whether the connection is meant to deepen—or if it was only meant for a season. Not every friend is forever. And honestly, knowing that? It frees us from disappointment and helps us appreciate each relationship for what it truly is. And, friendship isn’t just about receiving—it’s about giving, too. When we only focus on our own struggles, without even realizing it, we make the relationship heavy… adding a weight the other person was never meant to carry.
Some things I’ve learned last year—and I’m taking with me:
People are not God.
Never idolize a friend as a role model to the point where processing with Jesus becomes an afterthought.Be generous in friendship.
Share your joys, your hopes—not just your wounds.Balance is key.
If we only see what’s wrong in our lives, we can unintentionally invest in a negative loop. Practicing gratitude in writing or voice-notes can honestly be
life-changing.
We’ve all been there—oversharing in a moment of vulnerability and later wondering if we said too much. But friendship isn’t about being perfect. It’s about learning, adjusting, and trying again. If you overshare, it doesn’t mean the friendship is ruined—it just means you’re human. Take a step back if needed, but don’t shut yourself off from connection. Every interaction teaches us something. We learn. We try again. We learn. We try again.
Our ability to connect, share worries, and hold each other’s hopes makes life meaningful. Yes, it’s easier to retreat into the comfort of virtual connections, Netflix, or endless scrolling. But we need to keep asking ourself:
Will those distractions be with you through grief, loneliness, or even your birthday celebrations?
We all know we need community. It starts with letting go of pride and making the first move.
Apologize sincerely when needed. Take the risk of reaching out. If the friendship grows—you’ve struck gold. If it doesn’t—you’ve defeated the fear of rejection. Either way, you win. You can’t lose.
Heart Call:
Friendships built on love, trust, and reciprocity remind us that we’re not alone. They remind us to laugh when our life feels heavy.
They speak life into us when we doubt ourselves. Reflecting the goodness of God… love made visible. But these relationships don’t happen by accident.
They require intention, effort, and an open heart. If you’ve found a friendship like this—cherish it. And if you’re still searching—don’t lose heart and stay curious.
Sometimes, the best friendships are the ones you never expected. Because in the end… true friendship is a glimpse of heaven. Right here on earth.
And I wonder:
Have you asked God to show you the people meant for this season of your life?
What’s stopping you from making new friends? fear?
Photo Credits: Thought Catalog
I love this soooooo much!!!!