This is what It feels like
a self-portrait depression
a lighthouse static traffic light of the sea blinked at the waves guided lost ships but you, you started drifting thoughts wandered into grey-blue hues like erratic tides north, south, west, east unanchored refusing to be policed major depression takes over your ship it doesn’t ask it just shows up steering and you so tired set the course to autopilot you wrestle with what looks like your reflection let me tell you it’s no picnic you try to fight it with a fake smile hoping it will give you joy still nothing fixes anything inside so you clock out on your life leap overboard for a moment you're at peace each droplet feels like a kiss but something about it feels... too kind something grabs onto your feet just a crash then nothing but current you lose sight of everything the shore, the lighthouse, even your ship you're lost that’s when you realize the sea lied it never meant to hug you it waited to catch you each second under... hopelessness wraps around you water pressing behind your lungs you scream I can’t breathe but only bubbles surface time ticks as you stop fighting water slips past your lips your lungs begin to let go each breath feels like forever again you scream: when will this finally be over? then a beam appears a bright light bending the water Hope swims toward you palm open. hand extended water-wrinkled fingers with a deep hole in its center Scared, you hesitate wondering can this hand be trusted? cause we’re no strangers to betrayal but then, you say to yourself I've got nothing left to lose you grab it clinging to it like a child to their Father’s hand It pulls you back to the ship the decks you once abandoned the ones you left behind It sits you at the helm untangles the knots you thought would be... forever there it wraps you in well-loved Turkish towels He gently says: My Darling, you navigate this ship It doesn’t lead you you tilt your head toward the wind you felt warmth on your skin maybe sunlight Ruach new breath rushed through your nose healed not just what therapy uncovered but every traumatized bone and somehow you’re still steering this ship.
Heart Call:
Depression don’t shout!
It steers you quietly, until you forget that you were supposed to navigate your life, this ship.
What secret battles are you fighting in your mind?
How can you let God know
about your unfiltered feelings and hard days (pray, scream, cry, etc… )?
Photo Credits: Michele Canciello.